Safety Plan
Am I Experiencing Abuse?
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Legal Protection & Resources
Making a Plan for Safety
If someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or dating violence, offer to assist them in creating a plan that will help them stay safe when abuse occurs.
As advocates, we call this “safety planning.” A safety plan is a practical guide that can help victims of abuse and their children stay safe.
The person experiencing abuse is the expert on their own relationship, so it is important that they lead the process of developing a safety plan that will work for them. We encourage victims of domestic violence and those looking to help to speak with a domestic violence advocate about this process. Call the RI statewide Helpline (1-800-494-8100) or a local domestic violence agency to speak confidentially with an advocate and make a plan for safety.
- Decide what you will do if the abuser becomes violent again. What has worked in the past to keep you and your children safe?
- Can you call the police or teach your children to call? Who else can you call? Work out an emergency code or signal with the children or with neighbors you trust. Ask the neighbors to call the police if they see or hear anything suspicious around your home.
- Know how and when you can most safely leave. Plan an escape route to get out of the house quickly. Rehearse the escape plan, and practice it with your children, if it is safe to do so. Create a few believable reasons for leaving the house at different times of day or night, like taking out the trash or walking the dog. Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping it fueled.
- Consider where you, your children, and your pets can go and whom you can call for help, either in an emergency or if you decide to leave the relationship. Talk to trusted people in your life about your situation.
- Write down a list of names, phone numbers, and addresses of people and organizations you can go to for help. Keep the list in a safe place where the abuser cannot find it, preferably not in a cell phone, which can break or get lost or which the abuser can monitor, take, or destroy.
- See the “Items to Take Checklist” on the next tab if you are planning to leave the relationship. Keep important items, such as money, spare keys, changes of clothes, medicine, and copies of important documents, with someone you trust in case you need to leave quickly.
- Contact a local domestic violence agency to learn about the resources available to you. Call the RI statewide Helpline (1-800-494-8100) to confidentially speak with an advocate.
- Do you need a restraining order? Contact a domestic violence court advocate for information and support.
- Open a post office box so you can receive mail and have a safe address to use. Open a savings account at a bank not used by the abuser. Open the account in your name using a safe address, or hide money to establish or increase your independence.
- Take steps to prove ownership of your pets. Register them with your town under your name. Do not leave pets alone with the abuser. Talk to loved ones or your veterinarian about temporary care for your pet, or contact a local domestic violence agency or animal shelter directly.
Items to Take Checklist
□ Identification & driver’s license
□ Car registration, title, & insurance
□ Birth certificates for self & children
□ Social Security cards
□ School & medical records
□ Cash, bankbooks, ATM & credit cards
□ Extra keys – house/car/office
□ Changes of clothes
□ Medications
□ Eyeglasses & contacts
□ Food & supplies for pets
□ Pet registration & medical records
□ Cash & food assistance cards
□ Child support orders
□ Passport(s), Green Card, visa, permits
□ Divorce & custody documents
□ Marriage license
□ Copies of protective orders
□ Agreements – lease/rental/deeds
□ Mortgage payment book
□ Current unpaid bills in my name
□ Health & life insurance documents
□ Jewelry, heirlooms, photos, & items of sentimental value
□ Children’s toys & blankets
□ Address book / emergency numbers
• RI statewide Helpline (1-800-494-8100)
• Trusted friends & family; school; work
• Local police; doctor’s office; hospital
• Community agencies; veterinarian
The technology you use, such as cell phones and social media, may be helpful to you but can also be misused and monitored by the abusive partner.
As you think about safety planning, remember to make your digital safety and privacy a priority. For tips, visit the Privacy & Technology section of our website.
If you have ended the relationship, consider the following:
- Change the locks on doors and windows. Install a security system, extra locks, steel or metal doors, window bars, better lighting, motion-sensitive and outdoor lighting, smoke detectors, and fire extinguishers.
- Inform trusted neighbors that the abuser no longer lives with you. Ask them to call the police if they observe the abuser near your home or children or if they hear or see anything suspicious around your home.
- Avoid places (stores, banks, etc.) and routes that the abuser uses often or expects you to use often.
- Change your work hours or the route you take to work. Create a plan for leaving work safely every day and a process for screening your calls.
- Talk with schools, childcare providers, and anyone who takes care of your children about who has permission to pick them up.
- Teach your children what to do if the abuser takes them, such as calling you, the police, or trusted family members and friends.
- Change veterinarians, and avoid leaving pets outside alone.
- Obtain a restraining order, and keep it on you at all times. Call the police to enforce the order. Give copies to employers, neighbors, and schools along with a photo of the offender.
- Talk to a lawyer who specializes in family violence. Learn about options that will protect you and your children when it comes to divorce, custody, and visitation. If you have a custody agreement with the abusive partner, develop a safety plan for visitation, such as whom the children can call or where they can go if they need help. Make a plan for safe custody exchanges, such as meeting in a safe public place and bringing someone you trust.
Safety Plan Information
Why safety plan:
- Safety planning is an important tool for survivors to stay safe. Abusers often try to have power and control over a survivor’s life, and a safety plan is one way a survivor can have power and control over their own situation.
- Survivors experience multiple barriers in their journey to safety. During this pandemic, isolation, social distancing and fear of exposure to the virus are additional barriers survivors have to overcome.
- We want to share a few considerations for survivors, those supporting survivors, and advocates about strategies for safety planning. As always, it is best to contact an advocate who could help create a personalized safety plan. Please see our list of member agencies to contact your local domestic violence agency.
During an emergency situation: If there’s a threat of imminent harm to you or your loved ones, please call the police.
Emergency contacts:
- Call/text 911: In case of an emergency at any time, please call or text 911. To notify first responders of your location, include the address in your text.
- Emergency SOS on iPhone: Here is a link to a shortcut to using Emergency SOS to quickly and easily call for help and alert your emergency contacts if you have an iPhone: How to Use Emergency SOS on your iPhone.
- Emergency Location Sharing on Androids and iPhones: Here is a link for how to set up emergency location sharing on your phone, in case you want to share your location with a trusted friend or relative in case of emergency: How to Use Emergency Location Sharing.
Code words and signals:
- Identify a “code word” or signal with at least two people who you can contact with to let them know you need help. Plan what their response will be when they receive your code word.
- Teach code words to children that you will communicate when there is urgency. Plan for their response when they hear your code word.
- Teach children who are old enough emergency numbers to call when abuse is happening.
- Maintain social connections via phone and email with trusted friends and relatives.
- During quarantine, going for walks in the neighborhood is encouraged by our state’s leaders. To alert neighbors of the abuse you are experiencing, go for walks as a strategy to reach out to neighbors or signal to them that you need help.
Preparing to leave:
Leaving is an option. Domestic violence shelters are open. Contact a local agency for more information.
- If possible during an abusive episode, move to the safest room where there are no potential weapons, such as kitchen knives.
- If an incident is occurring, try to stay out of rooms with no exits, such as bathrooms and bedrooms.
- When developing a safety plan, develop a plan completely before attempting to leave the abuser.
- Anticipate your abuser’s response or reaction when they find out you have left; abuse often escalates when a victim attempts to leave, and it is the most dangerous time for victims in abusive relationships.
- Memorize your plan or write down keywords only you will understand.
- If shelter is not an option for you, consider family or friends who may be able to let you stay with them.
Important documents and personal items:
- Make copies of important documents and send pictures of them or copies of them to a trusted relative or friend.
- Important documents may include driver’s license or IDs, social security cards, immigration documents, birth certificates, financial information, health insurance information, and orders of protection.
- Legal documents may include a protective order, copies of leases or rental agreements, car registration and insurance papers, medical records, work permits or visa, passport, divorce or custody papers, and/or marriage license.
- Emergency contact information may include a local police department, local domestic violence program or shelter, friends and family members, local hospital, and district attorney’s office. If it feels safer to do so, save this information under a different name in your contacts that only you would recognize.
- Put together an emergency bag with clothing, extra set of keys, medications, and the above important documents, and place it somewhere it won’t be found.
- Bring medication and/or prescriptions and other medical information
- Slowly put away small amounts of cash and money in a safe space to have when you are attempting to leave.
Resources:
- Contact your local domestic violence shelter and find out about emergency shelter resources, such as temporary hotel stays, that may be available to you.
- Hospitals currently have high-security protocols due to COVID-19 if you need to seek support from an emergency department. Victims of domestic and sexual violence have the option of speaking to an advocate over the phone 24/7 at the hospital.
- Find out if you are eligible for unemployment insurance or paid sick/safe leave.
- Work with an advocate through your local domestic violence agency to create a personalized safety plan.
- Research laws and other resources available to you. Refer to WomensLaw.org for state-specific information.
Excluding a person who abuses from the home:
- If the abuser has caused you physical harm or if you are in fear of physical harm, you may qualify for a restraining order.
- A restraining order can order the abuser to stay away from the home. It will also order the abuser to relinquish firearms.
- You can find more information about restraining orders here.
For comprehensive safety planning resources, please visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the NCADV’s Personalized Safety Plan.
Hotlines and digital safety:
- Victims who are isolated in their home due to COVID-19 with their abuser may face additional barriers in reaching out for help. Please see the hotlines below along with options for online chat and textlines.
- Rhode Island Statewide Helpline at 1-800-494-8100 and online chat.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or by online chat.
- National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673, or by online chat.
- National Human Trafficking Resource Center at 1-888-373-7888, or text “BeFree” to 233733.
- Call/text 911: In case of an emergency at any time, please call or text 911. To notify first responders of your location, include the address in your text.
- Emergency SOS on iPhone: Here is a link to a shortcut to using Emergency SOS to quickly and easily call for help and alert your emergency contacts if you have an iPhone: How to Use Emergency SOS on your iPhone.
- Emergency Location Sharing on Androids and iPhones: Here is a link for how to set up emergency location sharing on your phone, in case you want to share your location with a trusted friend or relative in case of emergency: How to Use Emergency Location Sharing.
- Email and chat is not always safe due to spyware. It is always best to call if it is safe to do so.
- If you need to chat or text a hotline for help, try to use a computer or phone your abusive partner does not have direct or remote (hacking) access to.
- Learn about digital safety through www.LoveIsRespect.org: If an abuser knows too much about things you’ve only told people via email or instant messenger or things you’ve done on your computer, there may be spyware on your computer.
- See Technology Safety and Privacy: A Toolkit for Survivors from the National Network to End Domestic Violence for additional strategies for safe use of technology.
Helpline Available 24/7
The confidential statewide Helpline can be reached by calling 1-800-494-8100 or using the online chat here. The Helpline is for all victims of violent crime, including domestic and dating abuse, and those looking for more information to help a victim of violence.