Provide Support to a Possible Victim
Provide Support to a Possible Victim
Within your community, your family, your school, or your workplace, you have a part to play. Explore this section of our website to learn how you can be an active bystander helping to end and prevent domestic violence in our state.
Bystander Tools
This tool is called Know What to Do: Help Someone Experiencing Domestic or Dating Violence.
Use it to start a conversation with anyone you know or suspect is experiencing abuse and to find ways you can support them.
REMEMBER: Domestic violence occurs in every community in Rhode Island and can happen to anyone, regardless of race, age, gender, sexual orientation, religion, or socioeconomic status.
Warning Signs of Domestic Violence and How to Help
A person experiencing domestic violence may:
- Display bruising or injuries
- Attempt to hide injuries (for example, pull down sleeves to cover bruising)
- Appear fearful or have lots of anxiety around partner
- Reduce eye contact when with their partner
- Be isolated, be unable or feel unsafe to reach out to family and friends
- Show no signs at all
A person who could be hurting or abusing their partner may:
- Criticize, demean, or humiliate when their partner tries to speak
- Control any financial transactions or force their partner to pay for purchases
- Respond with excessive anger or jealousy
- Insult their partner and expect you to join in
- Act harsh, controlling, and hostile
- Monitor phone calls and online activities
- Or you may not notice signs from the abusive partner, listen to the victim if they suggest they are in danger. Not all abusers appear abusive outside the home.
Suggestions for Helping
- If you see or hear a domestic violence incident call 911.
- Provide information about local domestic violence agencies and the 24/7 confidential Rhode Island statewide Helpline (1-800-494-8100, also available through an online chat via www.ricadv.org). Encourage them to talk to people and connect with organizations that can help. Offer to call an agency or the Helpline with them.
- Call and check in with your family and friends especially those who are more isolated.
- Assess your safety and the victim’s safety. Find ways to help that will keep both you and the victim safe. Never confront the abuser or talk about abuse with the victim in front of the abuser.
- Share resources about domestic violence on your social media accounts.
- Approach the victim without judgment, and express your concerns.
- Listen, believe, and provide options and information.
- Ask questions like, “What can I do to help?”
- Support the victim. Allow them to make their own decisions, even if it means not being ready to leave the relationship.
- If the victim discloses abuse, listen without judging.
- Offer the victim a safe place to stay, or help them find one.
- Encourage the victim to call 911 if they are in danger.
- Remain patient. Leaving an abusive relationship is a process. Respect the victim’s decisions. Do not cut off support, and do not give up!
- Display helpful information in your business or work. See our suggestions for businesses below.
Safety Planning
If someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or dating violence, offer to assist them in creating a plan that will help them stay safe when abuse occurs. Visit this portion of our website to see safety plan tools.
As advocates, we call this “safety planning.” A safety plan is a practical guide that can help victims of abuse and their children stay safe.
The person experiencing abuse is the expert on their own relationship, so it is important that they lead the process of developing a safety plan that will work for them. We encourage victims of domestic violence and those looking to help to speak with a domestic violence advocate about this process. Call the RI statewide Helpline (1-800-494-8100) or a local domestic violence agency to speak confidentially with an advocate and make a plan for safety.
Steps You Can Take
How to Be an Active Bystander
No matter what roles you play in life, whether parent, coworker, neighbor, or friend, you are a bystander, and you can help end domestic violence in your communities. Find some steps you can take below.
At the RICADV, we use public awareness campaigns to inform Rhode Islanders about domestic violence. For the last few years, our focus has been on engaging bystanders to learn about the ways they can help build safe communities free from violence. Visit our Communications Center to Know More!
Parents
Youth
Educators
Co-Workers/Employers
Healthcare Professionals
Parents
- Stay involved in your child’s life, school, and activities.
- Practice open communication with your child.
- Model healthy relationships based on trust and respect.
- Talk proactively to your child about dating violence, digital abuse, healthy boundaries, and sex and consent in relationships.
- Educate yourself about the warning signs and dynamics of abuse.
- If you notice a change in your child’s behavior, do not ignore or dismiss it. Ask what is going on.
- If you see bruises or injuries on your child, ask questions. Do not just let it go, especially if their explanations do not add up.
- Do not minimize the significance of your child’s dating relationships.
- Make sure your child’s school is offering workshops or classes about dating violence. In compliance with Rhode Island’s Lindsay Ann Burke Law, all middle schools and high schools in RI should have a policy addressing dating violence, should train faculty on this issue, and should offer dating violence education to students.
- If your child is experiencing dating violence, connect with a local domestic violence agency to develop a safety plan and learn how to best support your child.
- Talk to other parents about looking out for each other’s children and speaking up if you see any signs of abuse.
Youth
- Speak up if you hear your friends using language or telling jokes that are demeaning toward women or men or that promote violence.
- Educate yourself about healthy relationships and the warning signs of abuse.
- If you notice that your friend has bruises or reoccurring injuries, ask what is happening in a non-judgmental way.
- Talk to your friends about establishing boundaries in their relationships and the dangers of digital abuse.
- If you suspect that your friend is in an abusive relationship, talk to a trusted adult, contact your local domestic violence agency, or call the statewide Helpline at 1-800-494-8100.
- If your friend tells you that they are in an abusive relationship, be supportive and patient. Contact your local domestic violence agency, call the statewide Helpline, or get an adult involved who can help.
- Join or start a club for young people at your school or in your community that addresses dating violence and builds skills around how to have healthy relationships.
- Make sure your school has a policy addressing dating violence, trains faculty on this issue, and offers dating violence education to you and your peers. It’s Rhode Island law!
- Host an event at your school or in your community that raises awareness about dating violence and promotes healthy relationships.
- Volunteer with a local domestic violence agency.
Educators
- Practice open communication with students in your school.
- Make sure students know about resources on dating violence and healthy relationships that your school can provide.
- If you see a student with bruises or injuries, or if you suspect that a student may be experiencing dating violence, ask if they are okay, and follow up.
- When possible, incorporate dating violence prevention into in-class lesson plans and after-school programs.
- If you see abusive behavior in the classroom, hallway, or anywhere else, do not ignore it. Intervene.
- Engage in dialogue with your colleagues about any abusive behaviors that you notice among students. Help them make the connection between dating violence and other important school safety issues.
- Talk to your school administrators about establishing policies that protect students from dating violence, and make sure your school is acting in compliance with the Lindsay Ann Burke Law. In accordance with the law, all middle and high schools in Rhode Island are mandated to have a policy addressing teen dating violence, to train faculty on the issue, and to offer students teen dating violence education annually.
- Establish relationships with your students’ parents. Help them understand the dynamics of dating violence and recognize the warning signs.
- Make sure dating violence resources are visible and accessible at your school, and help develop engaging education and outreach programs for students.
- Build partnerships with local community-based organizations, including your local domestic violence agency, and provide referrals to students who are experiencing abuse.
- October is national Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM), and February is Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Month (TDVAPM). Support your school’s participation in awareness month activities, and help organize school-based events. Visit our website to learn about local, statewide and national initiatives during these months and throughout the year.
Co-Workers/Employers
- If you see that a colleague has bruises or frequent injuries, ask if they are okay and be a resource to them.
- Educate yourself on the warning signs and dynamics of domestic violence and how it can impact the workplace.
- Sometimes, abusive partners will harass their victims at work (e.g. by calling their victims excessively or “making a scene” outside the office). If such incidents occur, express your concerns to human resources and offer to help your coworker.
- Make sure that materials and resources on domestic violence are visible and accessible in the workplace.
- If you hear coworkers making sexist or victim-blaming comments or telling inappropriate jokes, speak up.
- Be patient. Understand that you can’t force anyone to reach out for help and that it is very difficult to end an abusive relationship. Just let your coworker know that you are there for them.
Suggestions for Businesses
- Make sure your workplace has established domestic violence policies that protect victims of abuse.
- Train employees to respond to any violence or harassment occurring in the stores or parking lots by calling 911.
- Display posters and information about domestic violence in bathrooms and dressing rooms.
- Create a confidential space for victims to access services.
- As an employer, host trainings on domestic violence and the workplace. Make your workplace a safe place for those impacted by domestic violence to come forward by creating an environment where violence is not tolerated and by accommodating their needs through benefits and flexibility.
- Print a line about domestic violence resources available on all receipts, like:
“If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, call the confidential statewide Helpline at 1-800-494-8100 or visit nomoreri.org.”
Healthcare Professionals
- Screen all patients for domestic violence, also known as universal screening. Universal screening is considered a best practice and can help you refer victims of domestic violence to critical services.
- Take the time to listen to your patient’s explanations of their injuries and to their descriptions of their life at home and personal life. If you suspect that your patient may be experiencing domestic violence, let them know that you can be a resource to them and that anything they disclose to you will remain confidential.
- Make sure that you have visible and accessible resources available for victims in your waiting and exam rooms.
- Educate yourself and your staff/coworkers on the warning signs of abuse, screening procedures, and how to support and refer victims.
- Build relationships with advocates who work at your local member agencies and with local law enforcement to help keep victims safe.
- Be patient. Understand that you can’t force your patients to reach out for help and that it is very difficult to end an abusive relationship. Support them and make sure that they know they can turn to you for help.
Helpline Available 24/7
The confidential statewide Helpline can be reached by calling 1-800-494-8100 or using the online chat here. The Helpline is for all victims of violent crime, including domestic and dating abuse, and those looking for more information to help a victim of violence.