The Cycle of Domestic Violence

At the very heart of domestic violence is the belief by the abuser that he or she is entitled to control his/her victim/partner.  Understanding this teaches us that perpetrators don’t just snap or lose their temper; their violence escalates as their control begins to erode. All too often, victims may be hesitant to contact the police for many reasons, including fears of retaliation from the abuser, economic insecurities about losing the abuser’s income, and emotional connections to a long term relationship. However, no victim should suffer in silence. Take the Healthy Relationships Quiz.

SEDUCTION PHASE

Also called the "Honeymoon" Phase. Apologies, blaming, promises to change, gifts. It’s important to realize that this phase is an attempt to draw the victim back into the relationship. This phase is never a real “honeymoon.”

TENSION-BUILDING PHASE

Criticism, yelling, swearing, using angry gestures, coercion, threats. Many describe this as walking on eggshells. And while physical abuse may be minimal or absent, abuse is not always physical.

VIOLENCE PHASE

Also called the "Explosion" phase. This is the phase when the physical violence happens. It may include physical and sexual attacks or threats. This is when a crime is committed.

LOVE/HOPE/FEAR

These three dynamics keep the cycle in motion and make it hard to end a violent relationship. Love for your parnter, the relationship has its good points; it's not all bad. Hope that it will change; the relationship didn't begin like this. Fear that the threats to kill you or your family will become a reality.